More Like APH Romania
by Russia Tashi Lupin
Summary: This is a series of one-shots based off tumblr user grimdarkromania's "more like aph romania" tag. In other words it is Romania at his truest form.
1. Organs

**A/N: Picture belongs to tumblr user sedations**

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Romania was low on cash. Okay, maybe that was an understatement. Romania may or may not have been broke. It wasn't his fault that his savings account was taken by his government because his prime minister caught him sexting with dead people via Ouija Board again. He sat down at his computer and typed into Google: which organs can i live without and how much can i get for them on the internet. Of course, being a nation, he could live without all his organs but that would scare the doctors next time he had to go.

Romania was unhappy with his results. There didn't seem to be a reliable source. Still, selling his liver to China for 130,000 USD didn't sound half bad. Maybe he could throw in a kidney for 65,000 USD. Yes, this sounded like a plan. The phone rang and Romania groaned. It was his PM. He picked it up.

"Don't even think about selling your organs on the black market."


	2. TreadClimbers and Black Magic

There was a reason a TreadClimber was in Romania's basement. As you may have guessed, the basement was where Romania preformed all of his black magic. So why was there a TreadClimber in Romania's black magic room? He believed that black magic and exercise took the same force. Both drained your body of energy and hurt your body afterwards, yes? After a while of both, however, the more powerful you became. Romania liked being powerful. He had also learned the hard way that you cannot use black magic to make a perfect body for yourself.

That didn't mean you couldn't summon a demon from the depths of hell to be your personal trainer with black magic. Unfortunately, when Romania tried this all he got was Russia. Maybe he would have to call Norway to ask about that ritual. "No one understands my pain," Romania said tragically as he leaned against the side of his TreadClimber. He looked wearily at the machine he was using as a support. He should have just stuck to black magic; exercise was too much work.


	3. Darkest Dark

Romania sighed as he looked in his ornate mirror. It was a special mirror, he had stolen it in his time in the Soviet Block. He shook his head, not liking to think about those days. He focused on his reflection again. He looked fabulous, as always, but he felt like something was missing. He looked like he should. He had messed around with the top button of his shirt already, but unbuttoned it again. He gave himself a Casanova smile. He looked good. Still, something wasn't right. He couldn't place his finger on it. So, he ran his index finger across his reflection. He felt like that one Disney princess; the one with the black hair. That was it! He ran back to his closet and threw articles of clothing around until he found his favorite douchey, form-fitting black vest. He threw it on and he searched for his shoes in the mess he made. Romania pulled them on while looking at his reflection. His body was outlined with the onyx stones that were on the edges of the mirror. His appearance now looked as cold as his soul. He stood, smoothing himself out.

"I'll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color," he whispered to himself before running out of his house. He had a class to teach. Well, that he had volunteered to teach.


	4. Don't Mention Bodies While Teaching

Romania had volunteered to be a teacher's assistant for a creative writing course at one of his nearby high schools. The whole class was bored out of their skulls, which Romania was shocked by. He was (mostly) their country! They should be bowing down to him, and they weren't even listening. He cleared his throat, deciding to tell a story that would have their little heads snap up so fast their necks would break. "It's sort of like when you are digging up a hole for a body, and you find another body and you are all 'ha ha ha what do I do?'" he said loudly.

All the students looked up at him with expressions varying from fear, confused awe, to speculation. He smiled to himself, licking at his vampire tooth before continuing. "So, do you just fill in the hole and go on your merry little way?" He slammed his hands on a student's desk, making him jump away from the psychopath teaching. "No! You set up those bodies so it looks like they were having sex while you buried them alive!" He grinned manically.

The young man whose desk he was leaning on started to cry. Romania didn't like tears. "No, no, don't cry! Don't cry! Don't cry!" He waved his hands in the air in a panic, not sure what to do. He hurried to his bag and threw a package of tissues at the poor kid. "It was a metaphor! Da! A metaphor for, um, for when you have trouble! Da! Everything is fine!"

He turned around and as he passed the class's true teacher. On his way to his desk he whispered, "Except it's not a metaphor." Shaking his head in anguish he flopped behind his desk. The teacher gave Romania a wary look before teaching her class the lesson that Romania had failed at. Needless to say, Romania was not invited back.


	5. Immortality

Romania was bored and still didn't have any money so he was searching the web for job applications. He, as people often do on the internet, got sidetracked. So he ended up on Yahoo! Answers. There was one question that sparked his interest; 'how do u become immortal?'.

Romania sighed fondly as he remembered how he became immortal. Well, he popped out of the ground immortal but he didn't know that until someone ran a stake through him and he was a-okay. Wasn't that the day after he had been forcefully pushed into a river by Bulgaria because he kissed him? He should really remind Bulgaria of that. Romania chuckled to himself and started to write the poor sucker who asked a reply. 'I kissed a boy once and now I am immortal.' Then he remembered that he was supposed to be looking for a job. Damn, wasn't being a country enough?


End file.
